Blue
by Kalseru
Summary: Hawke is not a mage, but she feels the oppression as well as any other magic user. After sparing Anders,however, the champion realizes just how dangerous playing with fire can be, and how far someone is willing to go to taste the sweet victory of revenge. A/U


**Notes:** I am fairly new to fanfiction, so bare with me here. This is going to be a dark AU, and characters are going to seem OOC in some cases. I've written to the best of my ability, and I have used grammar/spelling checks, but I would still appreciate any tips! There will be no smut, just violence and some suggestive themes. Centers mainly around rough F!Hawke/Cullen relationship, but there will be some F!Hawke/Sebastian as well, although it will be mostly one sided. Sorry if it seems lackluster towards the end, it was pretty late by the time I was wrapping up the chapter. I will try to update regularly, may be once a week, and I will be doing a lot of editing. kthxbai ;)

P.S. There will be no Cullen right away, my apologies, and the story IS going to start out somewhat slow. A/U

* * *

It was a picturesque evening. The sun was just beginning to set, painting vibrant hues of orange and red across the fading blue sky. A light breeze toyed with the lofty branches of nearby trees, casting shadows onto the colorful but fading colors of the grass sashaying in the wind. Kirkwall was now just a distant memory; shrouded in gray far in the distance, as were the events that had taken place there. As I thumbed a pale blue wildflower, light footsteps approached from behind me, and I knew who it was before I even heard his voice. "Anders," I whispered softly.

"I want to avoid Starkhaven, if we can, Arya," the mage attempted to induce. He lowered his frail form just to my left, his amber eyes lowered so as to avoid contact with my own blue ones. I could sense his dread while speaking of the city, and I should've felt it just as well. I had saved Anders, after he had destroyed Kirkwall's Chantry and Elthina with it. My mercy had infuriated Sebastian, and in turn, he vowed to reclaim Starkhaven and raze the city of chains to the ground, taking Anders and I with it. I should have shared Ander's dread, only, I couldn't. Despite my strained relationship towards to prince, I felt a queer sort of kinship with him. We had both lost our families, though under different circumstances, and despite my apparent outward hatred for him, I always had a soft spot on the inside for the man. Anders would never understand, and so I danced around the subject whenever it was brought up.

"You need to eat more. Look at yourself, you're getting so scrawny," I chided the apostate.

"And you're avoiding my conversation."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Of course you don't. You're absolutely besotted with that blasted Prince, aren't you!? Ever since the damned man joined our party, you've been wanting to get in his pants! I can tell! Don't lie to me, Arya!" Anders snapped, his eyes growing cold with disdain. I immediately felt indignation and anger, but it soon faded to just pity and remorse. I realized Justice was merging more and more with Ander's mind and soul each day. It was not so much the mage's jealousy that had set him off than the twisted viewpoint of Justice himself. As far as the fade spirit was concerned, Sebastian was a cold-hearted bastard that was all for the annihilation of the magi. Of course, this wasn't true, but trying to convince the spirit that his anger was unjustified would only enrage him further, and so I just stretched my legs, taking in the berating with ease.

"You know it's not like that. I feel a kinship for him, nothing more, nothing less," I soothed, trying to catch his gaze. When I did, I could see his ruffled feathers smoothing out, the anger fading like it was never there. A lock of blonde hair that had escaped his hair tie caressed his aged face.

"You're right. I'm sorry.I'm such an idiot, letting my anger take control like that. It seems as though I have less control with every passing day," he muttered, more to himself than to me.

I want to scold him, tell him to stay strong, because if he doesn't we're both as good as dead. But I decide against it, merely shrugging and tearing away my eyes from his like the situation never happened. "It doesn't matter anymore, not really. We need to start moving if we want to get good time."

Anders let out a sigh of relief, as though expecting a reprimand. He stood up on weary legs as I shouldered my pack, and we exited out of the wall of trees and onto a well-worn trail heading north towards Tanterville. Although Anders may frighten from Starkhaven like a horse would a snake, a vow on my life would not stop me from giving Sebastian a much needed visit.

...

We arrived in Tanterville almost a month later, mainly due to Ander's procrastination in small hamlets along the way. Immediately I grasped a sense of strict authority- guards stood posted in dull but well-tended to armor with dour expressions plastered on their faces. There was a notable absence of street urchins, and women walked obediently behind the men, with cast-down faces. I stole a quick glance at Anders, who nodded with some encouragement, and then proceeded to mimic the guards' expressions, making a familiar frown on his tanned face. As he continued on to the nearest tavern, I fell just in step behind him, staring only at my feet and their surroundings. When we at long last reached the sturdy door of the tavern, a few muffled shouts from within immediately stirred my curiosity, before realization hit me. I knew exactly where I had heard that before- in the hanged man, a year after I first arrived at Kirkwall. My curiosity sated, and my blood pulsing with excitement, I blew past Anders and threw open the where I was reunited face-to-face with an old friend.

The pirate queen's eyes grew wide before her face broke into a sultry chuckle, and she dropped a languid, beaten man onto the floor without missing a beat and lunged forward to pull me into a tight hug. As she pulled back, she made sure to give my curves a healthy squeeze. "My, my, look who it is," Isabella rejoiced, an enticing smile gracing her lips. "I was just teaching these sour, dour boys how to have some fun. Would you care to join, sweet thing?"

Just as I was about to shoot her back a witty remark, Isabella finally noticed Anders, who was shadowed in the doorway. Her smile quickly disintegrated, and she crossed her arms over her breasts, pushing them out for show, no doubt. "Hello Anders," she said curtly, before turning to me. "Still hauling around your boy toys, I see, kitten. I though you'd have dumped this one by now."

Although her voice was positive and energetic, Isabella didn't fool me. There was an underlying threat to her tone and a sharp glint in her dark eyes that made me wonder just how much Anders valued his life. Anders, sensing the hostility, practically sprinted away, with renting a room in mind. "So," Isabella queried after he left,"how long are you staying in this holy-rolling village? You can stay in my room for the night, but I'm hauling up the anchor tomorrow to leave for a small village just east of here."

"We're just staying for the night, Izzy.I actually plan on ditching Anders here, It's too dangerous to take him where I'm going," I stated somberly, averting my eyes. Isabella immediately noticed my nervous gesture, and her eyes narrowed with slight irritation. "You're not doing what I think you're doing, are you kitten?"she questioned.

"Of course not!"

"Ooh, I knew it! You're crawling right on back to the choir boy with the delicious accent! Are you sure that's the smartest idea though, sweet thing? I doubt he's as...mmm...friendly, As he was before you decided to have mercy on that pathetic human you call Anders."

I stopped the words before they came out of my mouth. _It's not what you think. We've always disliked each other. Our alliance was merely temporary, formed out of convenience and necessity. If he had the chance, I'm sure he would have left even before the chantry went BOOM._ Isabella raised a slender brow at my silence, clearly knowing what I was going to say. Ignoring the growing audience of patrons eavesdropping, she went on. "So, in all the time you've ran around with Choir Boy, you've never noticed his heated looks? Sweaty palms? Nothing? The poor man was clearly infatuated, and you wouldn't give him the time of day, especially when you started seeing the Knight-Captain. What was his name? Oh yes, Cullen. Not like it would've mattered anyway, his Priestliness had vows of chastity. And why in Thedas did you save that damned apostate?"

"Don't you ever bring Cullen into this! And it isn't about Sebastian's supposed 'infatuation'! I...I want to turn myself in. The guilt, I know I've hidden it well, but I can't take it anymore. I can't do it," I finally broke, emotion seeping out of my words like a festering wound. I should've killed Anders. But no, I couldn't have. The damned apostate was like a brother to me, not matter what he did. And Cullen. Betraying him like that; leaving him heartbroken and confused. Even blasted Sebastian, who was both my brother and my rival; I never wanted to hurt him like I did when all hell broke loose in Kirkwall. And now I was a little more than a broken doll, in the middle of a broken world.

Isabella immediately stopped what she was going to say, guilt creeping across her dusky features like the plague. "Listen, kitten, I'm..."

A large bang followed my the thud of footsteps interrupted her apology. My face, now ruddy with unshed tears, turned ever so slightly to look at a a trio of guards carving a way through rowdy 'gentlemen' drunkards to my location.

"We've been informed of a disturbance..." The apparent leader started, before his snooty gaze landed upon Izzy. The pirate had a dagger in her hand, twirling it deftly about her fingers before throwing it expertly across the room, the blade landing accurately within the crack between two planks. "Then you have been misinformed. I would suggest leaving in, oh, I don't know, now?" Izzy proposed.

The guards immediately scrambled out of the room, mumbling apologies, with their tails tucked between their legs. After they exited out the door, she turned back to me. My remorse was long gone, and a mixture of both anger and mirth must have shown in my expression because Izzy decided to continue her apology.

"I'm sorry, OK? I shouldn't have snapped like that. But I couldn't help myself, you had all these delicious men drooling all over you and you were so oblivious! It was utterly adorable, and I don't use that word lightly," she expressed with half-hearted regretfullness. After a moment of consideration, the women took another deep breath, and locked me in with a slightly irritated look. "Listen, I know you're not listening to me. But at least listen, just for a moment. I have a proposition-no, not the dirty kind-and I think you'll be interested in hearing it."

"I know how you operate. And I know you're going to throw yourself to the wolves, not matter what I do. So let me help. Let me take you to Starkhaven, so we can see to sorting this mess out. I don't want that damned Prince hurting you, so I would rather I came with you. We can leave Blondie here. Sure, he'll be pissed, but who cares? You were going to do it anyway," Izzy pleaded. I was still pissed off at her for bringing up my regrets, but the pirate had a point-and a ship-, and she was usually never this eager to help. And who was I to turn down an ally? And a neutral one, at that? I bit back my anger and looked Isabella square in the eyes, my stare pinning hers. "We leave tomorrow, then?" I asked.

Isabella let out an obnoxious squeal and molested me in another one of her groping 'hugs', before running off to her room without a word. I swiveled on my heels to follow her and trailed up the stairs to say good-night to Anders before disappearing into her room. It's a shame I didn't notice the hooded figure who had listened on to my and Isabela's entire conversation, the golden clasp of his robe glinting maliciously in the dim lighting, revealing the crest of Starkhaven's royalty.


End file.
